need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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