the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
