I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
