he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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