On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
