My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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