Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
