you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
