O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
