I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
