she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
