I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
