Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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