sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
