Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
