Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
