I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
