u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
