3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
