I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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