twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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