Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
