No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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