I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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