I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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