Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
