9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
