My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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