he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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