so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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