Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
