Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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