i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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