So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
