oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
