So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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