so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
