dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
porn star boner night. come get it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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