Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
