Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
