guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
