she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so much tequila, so little girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
