Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
