watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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