I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
