Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
