I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
