It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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