she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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