every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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