I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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