Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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