Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
false alarm. still invincible.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
