Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
