i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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