dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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