Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
