her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Two words: nipple clamps
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