Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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