you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
