May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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