I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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