Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
