so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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