i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
