I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
