Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
