I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
