If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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