Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
